Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
