I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
pray to the hookup gods
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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