when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
