Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
