Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
