A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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