i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
