Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
