I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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