ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
