You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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