this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
