Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
