Just fell off a train. Bad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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