im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize