sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
