I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
