You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
