hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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