i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
