weddingsv make me drug and hornr
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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