First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
