A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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