I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
