How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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