I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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