it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am available for nakedness
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
