We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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