i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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