Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
