You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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