ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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