does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
