At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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