she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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