And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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