apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
