so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
