alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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