Need sex. Gaining weight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
