take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
