its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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