I love having hate sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
