I wish I could punch you in the face.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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