well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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