Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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