just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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