My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
