remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
