Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
