i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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