I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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