and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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