Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
