So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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