This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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