I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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