Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
