I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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