M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
