I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
