She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
