Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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