New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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