found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
