He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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