I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
