Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
